My Reality TV experience — brought me back to reality.
For as long as I can remember, I have always loved singing. When I got the opportunity to appear on reality TV, I jumped — but maybe just a bit too soon.
The problem was, I was shy of singing in front of other people and only sang in public for the first time when I was 27. A local band asked me to sing with them, so we practiced a few songs, and on New years Eve of 1994/5 I got up and sang,”The Power of Love” — not the Franky goes to Hollywood song, the other one by Jennifer Rush. (Fun fact: In 1985 three different songs titled “The Power of Love” were in the UK charts. Jennifer Rush, Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Huey Lewis and the News were the three artists).
I really felt that my life was about to go in a different direction.
I had never sung with a microphone before and it was such a strange sensation. I almost felt like I could stop singing and, that voice I could hear would carry on without me — it almost felt like it wasn’t mine. It was great to sing with a band though, and I really felt that my life was about to go in a different direction.
But it didn’t.
So I just carried on singing around the house and in the shower.
When I separated from my common-law-husband in 2010, I found myself in dire straights. (Not the band — unfortunately). I was 42 with two kids and I had the rent and bills to pay. Not a great deal of cash was coming in from my part time jobs and full time work was hard to come by.
Then one day I had this crazy idea.
A year or so earlier I had heard Amy Wineshouse singing Valerie on the radio. I checked out her music online and was really impressed! I could not believe how young she was! I had expected somebody much older. Her melancholic expression and her depth were kind of haunting — it resonated with me.
During my attempt to find a solution to my problems, Amy suddenly came to mind.
I had been contemplating maybe playing guitar and singing to make a bit of cash, but my guitar skills were limited. Then it hit me! I thought that maybe I could do a tribute to Amy Winehouse and, as I was not the most confident of people, this was perfect! I could hide behind the huge wig and makeup and use backing tracks — no guitar skills necessary! I could even make mistakes and fall over — it would just look more authentic.
I bought a wig from the charity shop and made my own ‘Amy Beehive’ and I started to practice. I watched all the live videos, studied every awkward movement, every hollow stare, the clothes, the make-up and the shoes (the shoes were a big problem — I am a trainers kind of girl). I even made my own red dress, by hand, with a needle and thread, not on a sewing machine.
My kids thought I had lost my mind. A 42 year old woman dressing up like a 26 year old and almost getting away with it!
I got my first gig in a Pizza place, I was very nervous. The gigs that came after were better. It started off as a bit of a parody, but as I listened more and more to her music I started to take it more seriously.
The problem with a tribute to Amy though, was that only the real fans know all her music and people in general only know about 3 songs: Rehab, Valerie and Back to Black. (I did others, but they were not as well known) So I needed to do something else to make the show longer.
I had been toying around with the guitar for a few years and I decided to sell two acts in one. The first one, a strange woman with glasses singing ballads on a six string then, after the 20 min interval — a total transformation into Amy.
The first time I did the gig at a local bar. A couple invited me to their table for a drink afterwards. “I loved your singing when you were playing the guitar” said the lady, “Did you see that girl doing the Amy tribute though?”
That’s how extreme the makeover was!
I passed the first audition no problem
After doing quite a few gigs, I saw an add on TV for a reality show. A few of my friends had told me I should enter. So I did.
I passed the first audition no problem. After passing, I had decided that I wasn’t really happy with the song I had chosen, ‘Back to Black’, as it was not really upbeat and I was worried that it might not be as well known as the others. It had been a toss-up between that and Valerie. I asked if I could change but they wouldn’t let me. They also sent me a new recording of the backing, some cheap midi-player backing that sounded like two cats fighting in a tin can — as they said that mine lacked quality. The problem was I was used to the tones on the one I had.
I had a dream
Then, on the night before I was due to go to the next phase — filmed in the theater, they asked me to bring a long coat as they thought it might be fun to gain an element of surprise — go on as myself first and then leave the stage for a few minutes and come back as Amy.
I wasn’t sure that was going to be fun though or if it would even work, as the wig needed a bit of trickery! Also, how could I go on as myself? The whole idea of the tribute was to hide behind Amy.
Previous to all this, I had been trying to do that…erm…visualisation. You know when you envision something going perfectly and project that into the universe and you can’t fail?
Well, that one.
I couldn’t fail. This had to be a turning point. Not because I was expecting to get famous or anything — but more of a publicity stunt for the act.
The night before the audition, I had a dream. (more like a nightmare)
I dreamt I was on the stage. My tights were laddered and I kept falling over, it was really hard to get back up again. (possibly due to REM paralysis).
I should have seen it as an Omen — but no. The visualisation! Have to keep positive!
The organisers taped the doors of the theatre closed so that nobody could leave or enter while they were filming
Some of the things that go on behind the scenes in these Reality Shows is quite shocking. They had tried to get me to bring my family along to cheer me on, but I didn’t have enough money for the train tickets so I went with a friend instead. When I entered the theatre for this phase, I had to sign a contract. In short, the contract stated that the organisers could do anything they wanted. We could not reveal anything that went on ‘behind the scenes’, either. If we ended up appearing on the show would have to support all costs, until the final and any gigs we did as a result of the show would be unpaid.
Kinda sucks!
My friend had to go and sit in the theatre, she couldn’t stay in the same area as I, so that was lame. I had also been told to only get dressed last minute so as not to give away the performance, not even to the other participants. This was not how I had envisioned it at all. We had arrived at 9am in the morning. At 10am I did the soundcheck and then had to go back to the area I was before.
I wasn’t even nervous
At 3pm I finally got called to the dressing room. I had about an hour to prepare. That was plenty of time. I could transform in 20 minutes if I had to.
I unpacked my Amy case, slapped on some tattoos and checked my tights for ladders. Then the black velvet dress came out, the shoes would have to be last. I Was led to another room where I had to wait with a few others.
One of the assistants looked at me in a pittyfull way and said in a dull voice, “You even have the tattoos”. I think she thought they were real.
The room I was now in was small and we couldn’t see the stage or hear anything that was going on. I wasn’t really nervous though. Maybe I should have been. They had told me to go on the stage, then tell the judges that I have to leave and that I would be right back. They also said not to tell them what I would be doing. To simply tell them, it was a surprise.
Five minutes to go. I put on my overcoat and waited for the cue.
Before I knew it I was on the stage.
One of the judges asked me my name: He didn’t hear my answer because the mic was too low down. Somebody quickly came on and adjusted it.
“You didn’t have your heels on, when we did the soundcheck”, he said annoyed at me.
I repeated my name to the judge. Inevitably he asked me what I was going to do.
It is almost like they rehearsed this!
I told him it was a surprise and that I would be right back in just a few seconds.
This did not get me off to a good start, the audience booed and made me look ill prepared. The host of the show and I struggled to get the wig on quickly. I put on my long gloves and went back on stage.
The noise from the audience was deafening and immediately I feared that I would not hear the backing music properly.
My fears were confirmed. The music sounded distorted and the intro was far too long. No sooner had I got the words, “He left no time for…” out, all three buzzers had gone off!
I threw my arms down in defeat.
When I left the stage the host asked me how I thought it had gone.
“How do you think it went?” I replied, “Didn’t you see ? — it looks to me like I was set up to fail”
I then went into full ‘diva mode’, tore off my gloves and wig and charged off to the changing room, assistants in tow, picking up the things I discarded along the way. The thing that had upset me more is that I had paid 40€ for the train ticket.
After I had changed I went up to one of the organisers and said that I wanted to be compensated for the money I had spent, as this whole event had been set up and I had wasted both my time and my money.
Half an hour later he came back with the cash.
I then went on a shopping spree with the aforementioned friend!
When I got back home. I spoke to others that had been put through terrible experiences at the auditions. One young boy of 16 only got to perform at 3am! I had seen his act, it was really good. A tribute to Michael Jackson.
There were hundreds of comments on the Organiser’s Facebook page, complaining about ill treatment and mismanagement. In these shows they like to push people to their limits to get a reaction so they can air it and get views. They don’t care if they upset people, crush young people’s dreams or tear them to shreds in front of an audience — that’s entertainment today.
When your reaction is “I was set up”. They don’t tend to air that.
So what did I learn from all this?
My problem here was that I hadn’t been prepared to fail, I had been focussing so much on not failing that I never had a back up plan.
Visualistions don’t work — and you have to always be prepared to fail and if you do — you have to get back up again — like a diva!
When all the dust had settled, the show was finally aired. In front of the largest live TV audience ever! (to date).
I said to my kids that it was very unlikely they would put my act on, even though they had constantly been putting it in the adverts leading up to the premiere.
Guess who was the first act on? Yes! You guessed!
:)
